Tuesdays Gone
On building a Shield Maiden
Train Roll On, Down The Line, Wont you please take me far away…
Fight Flight or Freeze (fawn, feint) That was me. I was born to love people. I am curious, chatty, friendly, goofy, fun and I love surprises. Perversion: pervert implies a twisting or distorting from what is natural or normal. Merriam Webster. I once had it explained as in Metal Work with the above definition. Think of a piece of Iron being worked, and twisted to exactly the opposite of what it was meant to be. That was also me.
March 11 2020 it was announced that schools would close and we would be sheltering in place at home to teach and work. I was a paraeducator working in an elementary, my husband a high school teacher across the street with our son attending that school for his freshman year. We were furiously putting together learning packets for all of the 800 plus students of our district plus organize a food delivery service using district busses and staff to deliver breakfast and lunch throughout the summer and into fall 2020. At that time, 49% of the kids in our district were being raised by grandparents or GREAT grandparents who lived on social security in most cases. It was well known that a great number of kids did not eat at all on the weekends. We organized with a local church and set up a food pantry in the school and sent back packs of food home with kids every weekend keeping the number of children per family in mind. The backpack food program was already in place when they shut down the school.
When the school closed so did that food pantry.
The churches were closed and no one was talking. The first thing I said when we came home that day in march was, ok, what did we miss? Meaning what timeline are we on? Like what part of Revelation is this? I did not buy it, I was pissed. When I first heard about the new novel virus in December 2019, I said, oh, they’re going to use this! To which my supervisor replied, Yep! We knew. I had learned my lesson in 1980 with the Mount St Helens Show and even younger with the moon landings when I was a kid. I always hated the news. Fathers Day 2020 we are in our living room as a family, having church on a laptop, when the pastor wound up the end of his sermon like this: “and the best way to show your obedience to God is to obey the Governor and then your employer”. I slammed the laptop and declared for the entire family, “that’s the last time we go to that church”. And for me it was. I don’t go to church. What I saw happening to the Christians around me was shocking. All I saw was fear. I did not understand it. The second thing that popped in my head on that day in March 2020, NO FEAR. God brought me back to myself as a child. I met Jesus on the bottom bunk with my mom leading the way in April 1967 at age 6. By seven I was full on convening with the Holy Spirit and sending messages to my grandpa who had recently died. I was a BELIEVER and that has never left me. So, in 2020 when everyone became fearful and confused, I joined them and then I didn’t. I have to stop here and give all glory to God and humbly say thank you Father for caring for me, teaching me and keeping me. I am so grateful.
Was I scared? You know it. Nobody knew what the hell was going on and I stupidly assumed the church would have answers. It did not. So, again PRAISE GOD for his hand on my life. Always curious I began watching ABC News. Armed with the previous knowledge of News SHOWS, I still went in like a lot of people, expecting an insanely different result. Being an impatient person by nature, I didn’t wait around long, got sick of the news and then began to binge watch Netflix because the news wasn’t saying anything. I just had to fill that void with something. About two months in I started paying attention to the fact that my then 16yo watching Dan TDM on YouTube. I then asked him, do you think I might find something on there? My You tube experience was launched. Around that same time a friend and I were sitting on my back porch (I did not obey) and were talking about ‘conspiracy theories’, and she said don’t you know about the children? She had used the phrase, Pizza Gate, to which I said, what’s that? She told me. This was the beginning of a battle that would completely twist me, my life and what I believed and that has lasted until this year. The ONE thing I never let go of was HIM. G-d. Holy Spirit. What I did not know at that time was how far I would have to go to be able to rise again but I saw what was coming. In my spirit I felt it. So, when God told me NO FEAR in March 2020, I looked to the opposite. The perversion of fear is FAITH. That day, I saw myself as a warrior girl standing outside the Throne room in her full armor, waiting to be called. A Shield Maiden is born. Cant tell you how many times I listened to this damn song over the last year. I didn’t really explain its existence in this but its in there trust me. Tuesdays Gone